Red with Shame

Cold sweat drips from my scalp down to my face as I line up. The tension is seen on my face, my forehead crunched up, my mouth bitting my lip and my vision fading. The woman yells "Again!". My knees weaken as I fall in line once more. "Take your seats we will start from the top" she commands. I take my seat on the pew. "One more time and do it right!". with my hands cold I force myself to my feet to once again stand in line. "No more" I say to myself, "I can't take it anymore!". My head drenched in sweat, my hands cold as ice, my legs irritable and my bladder overflowing I pee. I try not to alarm her but my teacher notices the puddle that surrounds my feet. My cheeks glow, no they burn. "I wish I wasn't there, I wish I were just hung by the neck on a post or god please just take me now" I say to myself. They stared, the class didn't laugh they just stared. Thank goodness it was just a practice for the communion and I was just in the second grade but never will I forget the day I urinated on the floor of god's house.

Happiness is Obselete

The sun hits my eyes, there isn't cloud in the sky and I stop to marvel at the breeze at it cools my body. I ask myself this question "Is this true happiness?"

Is happiness physical or more spiritual? Will I know what true happiness is even if it hits me in the face? Not even the great Aristotle, Plato or the other great philosophers could have truly explained what happiness is. In my personal opinion happiness can take the form of countless things and is different for every person. Each person is unique therefore each person has different descriptions on what happiness is for them. Happiness could range from a simple breeze to having sex for as long as there is an absence of the "bad" in that instance. Personally happiness is simply sharing anything at all with the one you love.

Different points of view makes happiness a great discussion when you just want to strike a conversation among friends and family.

Wishing and Waiting

Did you ever experience the "wishing and hoping" feeling? You wish and hope that you could do this or accomplish that but sadly life is just too unfair. If I had a nickel every time I thought of how I should have done something so that I could be on stage performing or a master chef. Is this truly a bout how unfair life is or is it just me being lazy again?
For several years I tried different sports and hobbies hoping that something would fit me. So far I took gymnastics, swimming, volleyball, badminton, tennis, musical theater, voice lessons, drum lessons, soccer and even baking but only 2 from the above mentioned floats my boat. How do you know when to pursue something or when to just let it be? Being 15 I cannot say that I've had experienced a lot of trying things that were not really meant to be for me but I know my parents had enough of me and my "lessons".
Even if I am inclined to kitchen duty and racket sports I've always wanted to learn the art of ballet. Ballet being a predominantly woman's scene, I feel that I shouldn't even touch that subject if I don't want to get kicked-out from the house but something draws me close to it. The art of ballet is so flawless and so precise that only one wrong movement can turn a marvelous performance into a fiasco I guess the perfection of the dance draws me close to this art. I believe that I could have done good in ballet because of my flexible body and my being a perfectionist. Sadly we would never know because of my "shoulda, woulda, couldas".